Work-Life Balance?
“How do you balance work and life?”
“Your public and private persona as a teacher?”
“How do you have the time to travel so much if you work full-time?”
“Do you really have a job?”
And my favorite, “I think the teacher thing is just a fantasy and you’re really just a professional photographer”
These are all variations of questions I receive daily. From new teachers especially, but often from others in all sorts of industries. They perceive my life as having the elusive balance and want to figure out how I do it. Well, let me just say up front -- balance doesn’t exist -- but more on that later. So while I haven’t achieved a perfect equilibrium, I have figured out a few things in my 12 years of teaching. I’ve set boundaries and created a life that is personally and professionally fulfilling.
And I’m really proud of that, honestly.
But every day I see co-workers and friends and acquaintances who are struggling. Especially now in the time of Covid -- where your workplace is very likely your home -- the boundaries continue to blur. We want to be employed in these precarious times, and as such are more likely to go above and beyond what is required. We think we are being a team player or somehow cementing our value through overwork. But when it comes down to it and hard choices have to be made, who is going to come out on top? Who is actually benefiting from your overwork? (Hint: probably not you)
If you’ve been following me for any period of time you probably know I am a middle school math teacher. Ahem, a full-time math teacher, but part-time solo traveler. And to be fair and transparent, I wouldn’t be able to say the things I am about to in my first year. The first year teaching (and likely in many professions) is different. There’s a huge learning curve. You will be spending more time on everything when it’s new. But even then, I don’t believe it should be a constant overwhelming amount of time. Ever.
So before I go any further, here is some tough love: if you are constantly stressed and overwhelmed and it isn’t getting any easier (I’m talking for several months or a year) then maybe you are not where you should be. Maybe your job or company or school or boss is not meant for you. You weren’t put on this earth to feel that way day in and day out without a visible light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. And while that’s just my opinion, I can assure that every new teacher I’ve worked with that followed that trajectory ended up finding a different role or school or entirely different career -- and every one of them is happier.
But what if you’re not completely off the deep end on a daily basis? But you are more often than you’d like? You don’t know how you can possibly continue on the way you have been. You feel stressed, burnt out, and have no time for the things you love. Maybe you’ve forgotten what those things even are. You like your job, sure. Maybe even love it! But you’re not the same person you were going into it. But what choice do you have?
Balance is a myth
Part of our discomfort, I think, comes from our own understanding of what work-life balance even is. Or that it even actually exists. I don’t think it does. So already we are striving for the impossible -- not very motivating.
You see, balance is an even distribution. The same proportions. So, let’s say I work for 8 hours a day. In order to be “balanced” I would have to then spend 8 hours on the things that I love in my life. Assuming we are sleeping around 8 of those hours, that means every waking hour is accounted for between work and life. So far, so good? Mathematically this makes sense, but not in reality. As I’m sure you’ve already thought about, those extra 8 hours outside of sleep and work aren’t free. We have to commute, cook, clean, run errands, take care of our families, and often continue to work for a lot more than the 8 hours (either on our own volition or not).
By the time the weekends roll around we are spent. After a week of every waking hour accounted for, we need time to just sit on the couch and do nothing. Which makes us feel guilty that we aren’t “truly living” and thus leads to even more stress and eventual burnout.
The truth is, you can’t have it all. I can’t teach a math class and be on top of a mountain top. It sounds silly but everything we do is a choice not to do about a million other things. Because everything we want to do and everything we have to do have one thing in common -- they take time. And time is one thing we truly can’t change.
So instead of attempting to equalize the many disparate but important parts of my life, I think in terms of prioritizing. Fluidly prioritizing. What is going to be of the most benefit today? Right now? In a month? Year? And do those things first.
But how?
These are probably a lot of things you’ve heard before. But how to actually put these ideas into practice? Actually prioritize in a way that makes you happy but also won’t make you lose your job? Great questions :) And the answer is (unfortunately) that there is no answer. It will look different for everyone. But it’s a choice you have to make for yourself. You have to value yourself and your well-being enough. Here are some considerations if you’re struggling.
Remember that things get easier with time. Like I mentioned above, I have been teaching a lonnnnng time. It’s a lot easier for me to leave work at work and prioritize my tasks after all of my experience. So if you’re just starting out and having a hard time remember to give yourself grace. But also remember that it shouldn’t always be hard to the point of constant overwhelm. If you’ve given it time and you still can’t find a way to breathe, maybe consider another path.
You have contract hours for a reason. This may not apply to everyone, but teachers definitely have contract hours. And we have them for a reason. Teachers are so susceptible to working longer hours. There is always something more you could do. “But the children” you think. Yes, the children. The children will be fine. In fact, you’re only hurting them if you’re burnt out and stressed and losing sleep. Trust me on this.
Your employer is not your family. I’ve worked at a couple schools that loved to talk about the “______ family”. We were constantly inundated with language around how we are all a family. We look out for each other. We blah blah blah blah each other. Because we aren’t just co-workers here, we are a family. And at the risk of sounding totally cold -- that’s a bunch of bs. Your employer is not your family. The end. You have a family or friend family or chosen family or maybe all three. But your employer does not fit in any of those categories. This is the most manipulative tactic to get you to do things you were not hired to do. To make you feel guilty for not working more hours or taking on more responsibilities or covering for someone or possibly even doing something illegal or keeping it a secret. You can’t _____ your family you might think. Well, it goes both ways my friends. Your employer can do all kinds of unethical things to you -- things you would not do to your family -- in the name of profit or success. They need you to further their goals. Which isn’t inherently bad! But, remember, it is transactional. It is professional. It is not your family.
Take your days. That’s why you have them! You need them. I remember my first year teaching it was like a sick game to see which new teacher could have perfect attendance. And even several years into my career there have been experienced teachers who, just like the kids with the strange and inequitable perfect attendance award, find some kind of smug satisfaction in never taking personal days. The United States is so productivity focused it can seem lazy to take the personal days that are literally built in to your contract. We come to work sick or forgo fun experiences in order to be seen as “reliable”. When the truth is our days away from work help us on our days on. We’ve all heard of the “mental health day” -- and I’m sure we all know it’s necessary whether we’ve taken one or not. Take one. Take all of them. That’s why they’re there.
Leave it at work. This is my biggest learning as a teacher -- leave work at work. Even if I have to stay a little later here and there or come in early for a big project, it’s better than taking it home. This gets a little tricky with working from home, of course. I taught from home for a few months last year and I can say what worked for me was a consistent “work area” in my apartment. Once I put away the laptop and leave the work area I was back at home. Mentally it helped. Other tangible things you can (and I think should) do: keep your work email off your phone and only check it either during the workday or at specific other times you’ve set (if it’s an expectation or helps you to feel prepared.)
Remember, this will look different for everyone. But it’s worth being very intentional. Don’t let years go by in a situation where you are unhappy. You can’t achieve a perfect balance -- but that doesn’t mean we should live our lives completely out of balance. If you’re in a career or company where this wouldn’t be possible for you, there’s no shame in taking a different path. In trying something new. No job is worth your sanity. Work will always be work. But it shouldn’t always be hard. It shouldn’t always negatively creep into your life. You need to work and you need a life -- and it’s possible to be happy in both.
I’d love to know your thoughts! What has worked for you?
photos by Caroline Cutshall Photography
